"Unrestrained love is violence," says Lee Ho-seon to husband using discipline as control

When discipline within a home transforms into violence used for control, the damage is borne entirely by the family members. In a case featured on JTBC's 'Divorce Camp,' the actions of a husband using discipline as a pretext and the resulting isolation of his child were revealed.

"Distinguish between the ring and the home"... Violence in the name of discipline

Expert Lee Ho-seon provided a sharp analysis of a husband who uses physical force under the guise of discipline. Defining the situation by stating, "Unrestrained love is violence," Lee pointed out the husband's attitude of failing to distinguish between a sports 'ring' and the family 'home.' She emphasized, "Even inside the ring, hitting someone in a weaker weight class is a foul, and a sport without rules is violence." In particular, regarding the situation where a child slaps a parent's cheek, she stated firmly, "That is not discipline, but an outburst of emotion."

Lee compared the relationship between the husband and son to that of a "champion and an amateur trainee." Her analysis suggests that while the father attempts to exercise authority from the position of a champion, he is creating a structure where the son becomes a loser both as an athlete and as a son. She identified the eldest son, stating, "There is a continuous loser in this house. It is the eldest son."

Eldest son's isolation and deficiency revealed through drawing test

The results of a drawing test showing the family dynamics clearly demonstrated the eldest son's psychological isolation. In the drawing requested by the production team, the father, mother, and younger sibling were drawn as connected and smiling, whereas the eldest son was drawn in a different form by himself. Lee explained, "While everyone else looks similar and is connected, only the eldest son has different arms, legs, a torso, and a face," adding, "This child feels himself to be a troublemaker or a loser in this house."

Lee expressed regret, noting that the child is "in a structure where he cannot win" and mentioning that the child's hands and feet were drawn incompletely. She remarked, "These hands and feet are what the person who gave birth to the child can provide," implying that when parents only assert their authority as champions, the child may be neglected without the emotional foundation of hands and feet.

"Prohibit talk of matches, games, and training"... The first step toward change

Alternatives were proposed for the physical and psychological barriers blocking communication within the family. It was mentioned that due to a bunk bed placed in the middle of the living room, there is a lack of space for the family to gather, and the wife has to sleep in a dressing room. Lee suggested removing the bed in the living room to create an environment where the family can watch dramas together or communicate.

The core of the most important change was to change the subject of conversation. Lee secured a promise from the husband not to use three specific words: 'match,' 'game,' and 'training.' Instead, she advised him to ask everyday questions such as, "Did you eat?", "How have you been?", and "Were you hurting?". In response, the husband showed a will to change, saying, "I will keep my promise for the sake of my stubborn self."

According to the wife's confession, the father-son relationship began to deteriorate rapidly during the second year of middle school, when the husband started directly coaching the child's sports. The husband felt the child lacked desperation, which led to coercive discipline. Lee advised the husband, saying, "You have the qualities to be a good father, but you are at risk of becoming a bad father because your rules are terrible."

Source: JTBC Entertainment (YouTube)